Right now, I’ve got one foot in the tunnel of darkness, and the other in the light; but, I can’t seem to let myself fully embrace the radiance.

I spent a year of my life working towards becoming a teacher – and after spending money on my education and studying hours on end, I achieved that goal.

But as Elphaba once said,

“I don’t want it. I can’t want it. Anymore -“

I have had so many emotions over the last few weeks since leaving: grief, anger, sadness… I have been beating myself up because I’m a coward. Did I just give up?

But the other choice was to suffer in my own mind and body. I’m not going to go into detail on what I suffered from – but I will say that if you aren’t happy and you aren’t healthy, something needs to change.

So what’s next?

My first order is to find a job that I can be comfortable, happy, and healthy in.

And a part of my rehabilitation is to find comfort in my art.

I’ve starting writing again, both creative and here on my blog. I’m collecting my hobbies like trading cards and Lego. I left those on the table for what felt like too long. I’m drawing and painting, making jewelry, and I plan on starting a gaming channel on YouTube.

But first steps are first. Each day is a new opportunity.